Clash of the Titans (2010) PG-13
Brothers Zeus (Liam Neeson) and Hades (Ralph Fiennes) clashed many centuries ago, but have now joined forces to bully their followers to praise them more often. Neeson (Batman Begins, After.Life) and Fiennes (The Reader, In Bruges) are both fine actors that deserve better than this waste. The legion of doom, or whatever they're called, assemble in their shiny heaven-like barracks. They want to release the kraken on every one's ass.
Perseus and his crew, battle these large (and I mean large) crabs and defeat them somehow. Then later, they ride the crabs like horses. There are so many odd slow-motion sequences along the way. I'll never forget the slow-motion sword-stab. Where Perseus stabs his sword into the ground, in slow-motion, after he fights and kills a man/creature from the movie 'Wrong Turn'. They jump around a lot when they battle for some reason, and do lots of spin-o-rama's in mid-air. The body count in this film tremendous. Rambo ain't got nothing on the titans.
Nobody bathes in these dire times, except Arterton's character of course. Nobody has a razor either, except for Hutchinson's character. Some crazy street urchin, turned town spokesman, rallies everyone to sacrifice the queen (Alexa Davalos) to the kraken. I love the scene where Zeus sends all the gods away just so he can yell, "release the kraken!" There was no need to yell, Hades was right there. The kraken scene is by far the best scene of the movie. But by that point, all interest is lost. And you're waiting for it to be over so you can watch a re-run of 'The Ghost Whisperer'. The end is abrupt, and you're left sitting there thinking, "really?" This film is best watched with a beer in hand and buddy to laugh at it with. If you haven't seen this movie yet, then please don't. You're better off renting all 14 'Final Destination' films and watching them in succession.
D+
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