Predators (2010) R

For what it's worth, this is officially the third Predator chapter. The original Predator (starring Arnie) was fresh, fun and action-packed. Predator 2 was a much different film, set in a big city. It wasn't great by any means, but Danny Glover (Saw, Lethal Weapon) helped it along. The two Aliens vs. Predators are not considered sequels. The first AVP was scary bad, so I didn't dare go near the second film. I had high hopes for this film for some reason. Robert Rodriguez (Sin City, Machete) produced it and Adrien Brody (Splice, The Darjeeling Limited) stars in it. Sounded like a winning combination. It took me about a minute to realize this film was going to be disappointing.

Director Nimrod Antal (Armored, Vacancy) is fairly new to film-making, and it shows. His two previous films are at least somewhat suspenseful. This film is anti-climatic and predictable. The film begins with Royce (Brody) waking up as he is falling through the air. It takes him a minute to grasp that he is falling to his death, so he pulls his parachute just before he slams into the ground. Apparently in the jungle the ground feels like a pillow, because he is unharmed. Before long, a dozen people are falling from the sky. Some people land and go SPLAT! Others land on their feet. All these men and women are heavily armed, somehow. They begin shooting at each other because they're frightened, but soon come to a ceasefire.

Nobody remembers anything before waking up while falling. They introduce themselves. There's doctor Edwin (played by the laughable Topher Grace), Isabelle (Alice Braga), a Russian named Nikolai (Oleg Taktarov), a convict named Stans (Walton Goggins) and a Mexican named Cuchillo (Danny Trejo). Not a good cast, if I'm being honest. Strange creatures/animals attack the group. The group must now settle their differences and battle these exotic beasts.

Before long, one by one they begin to get picked-off by elaborate traps. Meanwhile, they try to comprehend what exactly is going on. They know they aren't on earth and they know they're being hunted for sport by something.

The famous Predators soon show up on the scene and a few group members die a horrible death. These smart Predators sure like to take their sweet time though. The group runs into an estranged man named Noland (Laurence Fishburne). He helps them find shelter for a few hours. Noland explains that he's been on this planet for years. Somehow he's outsmarted the Predators all this time. Not to mention all the other dangerous animals that lurk in the woods. That seems possible.

There are a couple ridiculously stupid twists towards the end of the film that just makes matters worse. I'm not going to give anything away, but if you don't know who is going to survive within the first ten minutes of the film, then just give up on life. Fishburne's (The Matrix, Event Horizon) character is unnecessary and forgettable. Grace (Spider-Man 3, Traffic) is a terrible actor, period. Braga (Repo Men, I Am Legend) continues to find roles for some reason. Trejo (Machete, From Dusk Till Dawn) gets killed before he can say a word. I love Brody but no actor could overcome the brutal script, the boring action sequences, the laughable plot and the bad acting.

If you like Aliens vs. Predators (I can't imagine why) then you should like this film. But I hated that film and subsequently I hate this film. Not for a single second was I interested. From the stupid opening scene to the retarded final showdown.

Okay...These "Predators" kidnap and drug all these people on earth. They then transfer them to this unknown planet. Suit them up with weapons and parachutes. Then they throw them off a spaceship of some kind, and make sure they wake up before they hit the ground. Well, you'd think it would be a massacre right? Wrong. Humans are the superior beings!
D+